


I Only Have Eyes For You

by our_black_heart



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Hero Complex, M/M, Memory Loss, No Smut, Re-Education
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-10 03:42:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3275393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/our_black_heart/pseuds/our_black_heart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Winter Soldier can only remember three things: Scents, Colors and Feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Only Have Eyes For You

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written a Stucky ficlet before. This is my first time with it and it's actually really different than the things I do write about, my other fandom is way more lenient and kind of into darker things, so that's what I usually do. Hope this is okay. Also, I love the song 'I Only Have Eyes For You' sung by Doris Day. SO fucking good.

Sometimes The Winter Soldier finds himself doing really weird random things. Things that have no possible meaning, things that he can’t really figure out, but his body does them out of some kind of force of habit he supposes. He is aware that for a long time Hydra was blanking out his memory, but something’s are really hard to forget. He doesn’t really remember names or faces, but he remembers how he felt about some things and remembers scents and colors, nothing more. He just remembers feelings, scents and colors.

Modern day society is way different than the one he first lived in, that’s for sure. There are way more scents, colors are way more bold and feelings, well, they are more intense. Especially since he is just getting used to living with them all without restrictions. This is the first time in a long time that he feels he is seeing something new, but something is always missing. He can feel it burdening him deep in the pit of his stomach. Some nights, he wakes up gasping, clawing at his chest with this emptiness just radiating from his stomach all the way up to his throat, it leaves him breathless and thirsty. He looks out into the city from his roof top and he expects to feel better, because the world is so big and if he’s missing something he is bound to find it eventually, but even that makes him feel empty. He feels like something is missing, even when he is sitting on his roof top with his knees drawn in and his head resting on top of them. Maybe he used to do this differently back then.

At first he thought that Hydra had seriously fucked him up and it totally did, but he felt that maybe he couldn’t feel complete without going out and fulfilling orders and making sure that all his missions were accomplished. Maybe he needed the missions as much as he had been told he did and he was just starting to realize that, now that he was free.

The Winter Soldier was starting to become really irritated with his late night walks to the bar a few streets down. He couldn’t sleep and something about that shitty bar kept calling to him. He usually begins by ordering a single beer, he never really does it to get drunk. He has a feeling that it isn’t what this is about. He finishes his beer and sits by the bar, just waiting for some poor sap to need rescuing. It never disappoints him though, because someone always needs rescuing and to the Winter Soldier it never really matters who it is, it could be anyone. The smaller and in more trouble they are the more heightened of a high he gets from protecting them. He thinks it has something to do with a savior complex. He bets that in another life he was a savior, someone who went around protecting the weak and fragile.

He thinks about that as he walks home, cigarette in hand. He scowls at the cigarette, because they’re bad for him and he knows that they cause cancer and cause problems for people with asthma. He really does hope that no one around has asthma, that would be such a shame. The Winter Soldier was a bad guy, but he isn’t anymore and it would be a shame if his shitty habit gave another person a hard time. He walks through an alley and as if on cue, he sees an altercation. A man and a small framed woman, the man raises his hand at the woman and she raises her own to shield herself. It takes merely seconds for The Winter Soldier to be at her rescue. She is small and smells of sweat, alcohol and distress. She smells _familiar._

Surely enough, when The Winter Soldier finishes kicking the man’s ass, he walks over to the woman. With an outstretched arm and a smug smile he tries to reassure her that she is safe. The woman smacks his hand, looks him directly in the eyes and says

“Jerk!”

A wave of familiarity rushes through him. He doesn’t know why, but it hurts. The emptiness is back and it feels massive, irreparable now.

“I’m sorry, its just that…I could have taken care of myself y’know? I’m not as weak as I look. I can take it.”

He nods and doesn’t try to help her up again. She tilts her head towards him and huffs, before she’s trying to pick herself up.

“I’m Ursulla, gotta name?”

“Ugh, I was told it was James.”

She laughs,

“Okay, James. Thanks for that or whatever.”

“No problem, be careful on your way home. Alright?”

She nods and waves him off.

See this isn’t the first time this has happened, but every time it happens he feels like drowning himself in alcohol or anything really.

He continues his walk home and something shuffles through the trash cans in the distance. He can’t help, but feel attacked. Lately, he’s been feeling watched. He carefully decides to take the big streets home, there are street lights and some drunks around. He hopes it will keep him out of serious danger. As someone who used to be an assassin, he comes across many people who are seeking revenge after him. He’s not that guy anymore though, he’s not a fighter. Not unless someone else is in danger.

The Winter Soldier or James, as they said his name was, arrives home. He still feels really on edge, but at least he’s home now. He sets water for a cup of tea before trying to go back to bed and he collapses onto his couch.

It isn’t until he’s in his room, a cup of tea in hand, shirt thrown off that he sees the broad shouldered figure by his window.

“I’ve been waiting for you, Buck…”

“For how long and _who_ exactly has been waiting for me?”

The Winter Soldier is too tired for this. He needs sleep now and he doesn’t have time for all of this again. The large man sighs, he turns and something about him is familiar. The Winter Soldier is no good with faces anymore, no memories or anything. He doesn’t know what makes this man so familiar, it’s not his smell and it’s certainly not the colors he’s wearing. The man is wearing black on black, black hoodie, black jeans. Nothing familiar about that, but The Winter Soldier has a shy, chilly, nervous feeling in his stomach now. The man makes The Winter Soldier feel familiar. He makes him feel like a kid again, a kid pining away for someone he’d never get. He doesn’t remember anything though and he can tell the man is disappointed, but it’s not his fault and he feels like crying. So he does. He falls asleep like that, he has dreams of a life he must have lived, a comfortable life in which he had a partner, a lover, the man. He was happy for a while. He was woken up by the shifting of the mattress. He noticed the man getting up and walking out of the room and it was almost morning, he figured he’d make some coffee. They needed to talk about things, because even if his memories came back in dreams. They didn’t feel like memories. When he goes out into the kitchen the man is nowhere in sight. The Winter Soldier almost feels disappointed, but he’s used to it. The emptiness. He heads on up to the roof top and there he is, in all his glory, the man. His shoulders look relaxed and huge compared to James’ own, the sun isn’t up just yet and you can barely feel the warmth of it cutting through the chilly morning air. He sits next to the man and feels the need to rest his head on his shoulder, so he does and the man sighs in content. Comfort. Completion.

“We used to do this all the time, y’know?” James, raises his head to look up at the man and he nods.

“Really?”

“Yeah, Buck. I was so much smaller, so you’d put your hands around me like this…” and the man puts his big arm around James’ shoulders.

“What’s your name?”

He chuckles lightly and the sound of it makes James want to chuckle.

“Steve. Don’t you remember?”

James nods.

“You’ll remember. It’ll all come back to you.”

For a split second, James’ mind flashes a sign that reads **_Mission Completed._**

He takes out a cigarette and lights it.

“Buck, those things cause cancer.”

James smiles. _Familiarity._

“I still have asthma, you jerk!” The man, Steve, says as he pushes him jokingly.

**_Mission Accomplished._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! If you'd like to see how different my other work is you can definitely check it out on here. They're mostly bandom ficlets (MCR). Thanks for reading!


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